The 'Tail' of the Fairy Prince
by Ladymage Samiko
Summary: Fairy Tale Insanity Theatre Presents: The story of Fairy Prince Inu Yasha, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru, and Lady Kagome. Warning: Insanity Fic


I will say it once, plainly: This is an insanity fic. My equivalent of fiddling while Rome burns. Just enjoy the short, weird ride. And, for the record, Inu Yasha & Co. are owned by Takahashi Rumiko and her Corporate Court. I own myself and my avatar.   
Ladymage Samiko ^_~

IY = Inu Yasha   
LS = Ladymage Samiko   
SS = Sesshoumaru   
JK = Jaken   
KH = Kagome   
Ko = Kouga   
F1 = Fangirl 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fairy Tale Insanity Theatre Presents:   
"The Tail of the Fairy Prince"   
by Ladymage Samiko  


Once upon a time, in a kingdom far--but not too far--away, there lived a fairy prince...

[Enter Inu Yasha]   
IY: Fairy?! I'll give you 'fairy,' bitch!   
LS: Hush.   
[Duct tape appears over fairy prince's mouth]

Ahem. A fairy prince. Whom everyone liked--as long as he was silent. However, there was one person in the kingdom who did not love this adorable, dog-eared prince: the Evil Lord Sesshoumaru.

[Enter Sesshoumaru and Jaken]   
SS: *raised eyebrow* You actually think I would _want_ to like that moron? Inu Yasha, why don't you do the world a favor and lay down and die?   
IY: Mmmuph!

(You see, he's so evil, he's Evil.) Of course, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru's servant, Jaken, didn't like the prince, either, but since he's a stupid minion, he doesn't count.

JK: Hey!   
LS: Hush.   
[Duct tape appears over Jaken's mouth.]

Anyhow, the dislike between Evil Lord Sesshoumaru and Fairy Prince Inu Yasha was mutual and every time they met, sparks flew.

[Enter Shippou, tossing glitter.]   
[Exit Shippou]

Still, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru was an important man in the kingdom. And, oddly enough, trusted with just about everything, including the tax rolls, the castle keys, and the keys to the king's ivory and gold dragon-pulled coach, which went up to a hundred miles an hour.

SS: Heh. _Now_ you're talking.   
IY: Huu kmmph i Nippphr gtttt t drppphh?!   
SS: Because the last time you "borrowed" Father's coach, you crashed it into the side of the castle, twit.

(Which is true, by the way. The taxpayers were not happy about replacing both the castle walls and the coach.) However, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru was a canny fellow and all of the kingdom's affairs were run as they should be. Because, of course, a scandal was the last thing he needed while he was in the middle of his Evil Plot.

[Inu Yasha finally yanks of the duct tape]   
IY: Owwww!!!! Shit, that hurts! Now why don't I ever get to plot?   
SS: Because you can't. [smirks]   
IY: Can too!   
SS: No, you can't,   
IY: Yes, I can!   
SS: Inu Yasha, you have the intelligence of a pea, the patience of Kouga, and the attention span of a gnat. Any plot _you_ attempted would fall to pieces the moment your ego got the better of you.   
IY: My ego! What the hell are you talking about!? What about your ego, you self-centered, pompous ass!   
SS: [aside] Does he even _know_ those words?   
LS: [sweatdrop] ANYHOW...

Evil Lord Sesshoumaru was plotting. It was an intricate, involved Evil Plot, which, when it was complete, would rid the world of Fairy Prince Inu Yasha forever. And, of course, take care of any annoying reincarnations that may pop up.

SS: It really isn't all that intricate. It basically involves killing him.

It had to be intricate and involved, because no one could know that Evil Lord Sesshoumaru was responsible for the prince's death. Not that he would mind, personally, but he was responsible for the entire kingdom, and chaos would ensue if he was convicted of murder. Or even of killing the moron in a fair fight.

IY: I AM NOT A MORON!   
LS: Didn't I tell you to hush up?!   
[More duct tape]   
SS: My most heartfelt gratitude.   
LS: No charge.

So Evil Lord Sesshoumaru plotted in dark corners and very-well-lit private chambers where he could read without ruining his eyes.

SS: Good. You see, I am an intelligent creature. Especially compared to this whelp, who can't even read.   
IY: i knnn!!!   
SS: [aside] The last book _he_ read was "The Poky Little Puppy." And that was because it was a birthday present from Father.   
IY: [grumbles] Bstrrrddd.   
LS: [sighs]

Now, not a single person suspected Evil Lord Sesshoumaru of being an Evil Lord. With one exception. The Lady Kagome, a member of a very minor noble family, was being raised in the castle.

[Enter Kagome]   
KH: Er, hi?

As you can tell, they hadn't taught her very well.

KH: Hey!   
IY: [muffled snort]   
SS: [smirk]

Still, she was constantly underfoot.

LS: Not literally! Now back off, you two.   
[IY and SS stop trying to step on KH. They return to their places.]

As I was saying, she was constantly underfoot and so heard nearly everything that happened in the castle, from Inu Yasha's latest feat of brawn and Evil Lord Sesshoumaru's latest feat of brain to the thirteenth kitchen maid's latest feat of--er--stamina.

SS: I always knew Kagura was a slut.   
KH: Be nice!   
SS: No.

Being this well-informed, Lady Kagome was able to pick up quite a bit of information from the dark corners Evil Lord Sesshoumaru preferred to frequent.

SS: Note to myself, Lord Sesshoumaru: Stick to the very-well-lit private chambers,   
KH: Dark corners aren't soundproofed very well.

Now, Lady Kagome was in something of a dilemma. She could either let Evil Lord Sesshoumaru continue with his plot or she could blow the whistle on him and his Evil Deeds.

[Enter Sango. Sango hands Kagome a whistle.]   
KH: [gazes thoughtfully at whistle] I _could_ blow it... And then the Evil Lord Sesshoumaru's Evil Plot would be finished. And then Inu Yasha and I could marry and live happily ever after.   
[Duct tape is once more ripped off.]   
IY: Damn it!!! That still hurts like hell! Now listen here, bitch. You and me living happily ever after is about as likely as-- as Kouga and Shippou!   
LS: Ew.   
SS: Ew.   
JK: Ew.   
KH: Ew! You, you, you Bastard!!!   
[Kagome takes whistle and hurls it into the audience. Fangirl 1 catches whistle.]   
F1: I could blow the whistle. But if I did, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru wouldn't be able to complete his Evil Plot.   
[tiniest of tiny pauses]   
F1: No contest.   
[Whistle is tossed into trash can.]   
SS: [smirks] You are a woman after my own... hmm... 'Mind' would imply she possesses intelligence. 'Heart' would imply I have one. Ah, well. Whatever.   
F1: [simpers mindlessly]   
SS: Lady Kagome, you seem to think I should be allowed to continue with my Evil Plot. Would you care to join my League of Minions?   
KH: [shrugs] If it means doing away with that bastard, sure. I know it's out of character, but, hey, I've had enough of the verbal abuse.   
IY: Hey! I thought I was the hero of this story!   
LS: And?   
IY: That means I'm supposed to win!   
LS: No, it doesn't.   
IY: Yes, it does!   
LS: Moron. I warned you before we started this thing. Deviate from the script and you'll get axed.   
SS: It's all so clear now.   
LS: What is?   
SS: Why the furry-eared imbecile here doesn't understand his place. You did just use the word 'deviate,' did you not?   
LS: [slowly] Yes... Oh. Inu Yasha, deviate means not reading what's in the script.   
[A 'Huh?' look scrolls across Inu Yasha's face.]

Having chosen to aid Evil Lord Sesshoumaru in his Evil Plot, Lady Kagome handed him the key to Inu Yasha's one (of many) weakness.

KH: Ahem. Evil Lord Sesshoumaru, I suggest you try the word 'Sit.'   
[Inu Yasha slams to the floor.]   
SS: [smirks] A most potent weapon, indeed.   
[Exit Sesshoumaru and Kagome]

And once all of the pieces were in place, the Evil Plot moved to completion...

[Stage darkens. A forest scene appears.]   
IY: What in the hell is this supposed to be?!   
LS: It's called a Dark Forest, you nitwit.   
[Enter Kagome. Behind her, stealthily, enter Kouga and Assorted Goons.]   
IY: I smell a stupid wolf.   
Ko: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black, moron?   
KH: [sighs] You were supposed to be silent.   
Ko: Silent is for later, sweetheart. Right now, I'm gonna pummel that asshole good for what he said.   
KH: Whatever. Just let me use the secret weapon first.   
IY: What in the hell are you talking about, bitch?!   
KH: Sit! Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit!   
[Inu Yasha proceeds to make five foot hole in the floor.]   
LS: Well, there goes my stage floor... [sighs]   
[Kouga and Assorted Goons pounce on Inu Yasha and tie him up. Cursing, Inu Yasha is dragged off-stage.]   
KH: Well, my work here is done.

Having defeated the Fairy Prince Inu Yasha, Evil Lord Sesshoumaru proceeded to carefully take over the kingdom. However, he was very good at taking over the kingdom and very subtle, so no one noticed until it was too late. And no one noticed (except for Lady Kagome, Leader of the League of Minions) that Evil Lord Sesshoumaru had sold his soul to gain more power and in the process became the Evil Demon Lord Sesshoumaru. With such awesome power--

SS: Well, what else did you expect?

--Evil Demon Lord Sesshoumaru reigned happily ever after. As for the people of the kingdom, nobody really cares what happened to them, so why talk about it? Kagome was happy as the Leader of the League of Minions, Sesshoumaru was happy as Supreme Ruler, and Inu Yasha was very much deceased. And that's all you need to know.

The End.


End file.
